1. Talk consciously and talk about yourself
Whenever you are having a communication with someone activate what I call your inner dialogue director. (S)He will be aware of the things you say. Your words, your tone and your mimic are the only thing you can really influence. As soon as you say “You are…” or “You did…” your counterpart will leave the level of exchange and answer or even argue: “I am not…” or “I did not…” Try it, in nine of ten cases the respond to a ”You”-Message is a negation of the message and an off-topic dynamic. “You misunderstood me…” turns into “Sorry, I expressed myself in a way that caused misunderstandings, I meant…” Or: “Speak up, your voice is far too low!” turns into: “Sorry, I missed what you said because I could hardly hear it. Can you please repeat it and speak up?” One provokes resistance the other has a good chance to fulfil your needs.
2. Do without “try”
To “try” something means your influence on a situation or action is 50:50. You may succeed. You may fail. Whatever you are trying – failure is part of the game and deflates your influence. If you want to stop smoking, stop smoking. It is easy once you make the true decision.
3. Conjunctive mood
“I’d propose…”, “I’d say…” What function does the conjunctive mood have in your communication? It makes you smaller and it diminishes your personal standing in a situation. Women like to use this way of expressing themselves. Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware next time you do it again. Awareness is the first step.
4. Leave out written and spoken negations whenever you can
How powerful are negations? They are powerful, sure. Do they influence a situation or person in a constructive way? The Hawaiian MAKIA says energy flows where attention goes. That is reason enough to focus on the things and actions you want, isn’t it. (See also “No! No! No!”)
5. Prefer solutions
The problems are already there and focusing on them weakens your influence in the long run. Genius Albert Einstein is quoted: “You can never solve a problem on the level on which it was created.” Brain sciences say the same: Our solution center is located in another brain area than our “problem center”. Ask yourself the “miracle question”: How can you tell that there was a miracle overnight? Your problem is solved in the morning – what makes you realize that it is solved?” (Okay, I admit that this is a bit hard to do all by yourself and without a coach by your side 
6. Now is the moment of power
Hawaiian Huna again: the 4th Huna principle is called MANAWA. It means: Now is the moment of power. The past is over. The future is a mind construct and phantasy. Your present reality empowers you to whatever you decide to be empowered to.
7. Essence = Essense – an example
Step 1 to 6 without influence:
You have seduced me to start smoking!
I’d really like to try not to smoke.
But I have such a big problem to stop it and I will really suffer from the withdrawal symptoms, my nervosity, my gaining weight and and and…
Step 1 to 6 with influence:
I allowed myself to be seduced by peer group pressure and the coolness smoking seemed to spread in my eyes.
Now in this very moment I live a better life and focus on what feels good and has positive impact on me.
I read the book Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr that shows me the tricky trap I was caught in until today or I find another strategy of coping with my “desire” or strong “need” to harm myself.
The miracle shows up like this: Suddenly you are free, you breath fresh air wherever you go, you love to move and do sports again, you change your nutrition and taste wonderful food again, you smell your clean, washed clothes…
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[...] Unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptTo “try” something means your influence on a situation or action is 50:50. You may succeed. You may fail. Whatever you are trying – failure is part of the game and deflates your influence. If you want to stop smoking, stop smoking. … [...]