Sometimes issues pop up in our life by accident. To say sorry and to ask for forgiveness have been such issues recently. ”What to do when you run out of life time” – a German magazine’s title story – added some more thoughts to it. Who felt hurt by things we did or said, by things we left undone or unsaid? Does this bother us unconsciously or even consciously? To take stock can free ourselves (I mean everyday injury, heavy guilt in my eyes is something else.)
Does the process of saying sorry depend on the forgiveness of the other person? Or is it more a matter of taking over responisibilty for a hurting situation, for the own acting and talking that another person felt hurt by? Most of the time we are out of balance ourselves when we strike back or overreact. Both, the withdrawal into the hurting as well as the withdrawal into the feeling hurt is the end of dialogue and communication. It is a sign of power struggle in which always both sides lose.
In my experience the expression of a truely felt sorry has a freeing effect – no matter whether or not our counterpart forgives us. To forgive someone also needs the ability to forgive oneself and the ability to voluntarily leave the “victim mode” of the hurt person. Both people created the situation.
Are there people you’d like to say sorry to?
How high is the prize, what is your risk to do so and to put out your hand?
Is there someone you coud talk to today and say sorry right away?
What makes it hard?
What holds you back?
What is it you risk to lose, what is it can you win?
Even if your “sorry” is like beating your head against a stone wall – it is precious because it is a sign to end the power struggle. A truely felt sorry has a wonderful energy.
Best wishes
Sandra
Very true indeed! Sorry is the hardest word to say but to those who are not sure about whether they really want to say it or not. Some people say it just to get it over with too. That’s freeing oneself from the guilt alright but does a mere sorry relieve us from the guilt? To me it doesn’t.
Shekhu, thank you for your lines. To just say sorry in my eyes does not relieve us either. I think one feels whether the own sorry is truely meant or just spoken to get over with it. That is why forgiving oneself plays such an important role in my eyes. When I can overcome my own feelings of shame and guilt I can reach out my hand… this act is freeing as I see it and as I have experienced it. It has a special energy around it. The energy of forgiveness…